it was high time for a lake trip, so M. and i rolled up our shorts, took off our socks, and drove to the country. there is this place about ten miles away from town where you can rent a boat for $5 (you put the money in an envelope, write your name on it, and put it in a tin box — honor system — very quaint). we put our money in under a false name (never use your real name on these sorts of things) and hopped into the boat with the least water in the floor of it.
the wind carried us to the middle of the lake, which was nice, and then it carried us farther out, which was okay, and then it carried us farther out, which was sort of annoying. we didn’t WANT to be over here on the far side of the lake, drifting up against the muddy bank with the condom wrappers and soda bottles. no matter how hard we rowed we couldn’t get back to the dock on the other side. so we abandoned the old boat and walked back into the woods, relying solely on the small sliver of metal in the tip of M.’s nose to navigate. just when i was about to die, we got back to the gravel parking lot, and we drove straight back into town to get ice cream from Sparky’s.
i missed work!
there are two goats in my back yard. goats have weird, rectangular pupils. they will eat anything you feed them and also like having their photos taken. then, after trying to chew your nose off through the chain link fence with their prehensile lips, they like to turn around and projectile-urinate on your sandals (all true events).
goats are strange people.