[In naming this post “Nudity” I hope to bring a whole army of sleazeballs to my blog. Welcome, new, sketchy readers!]
In one month I’m going to appear nude in public. Semi-nude, technically, but when you’re down to undies and pasties and a couple layers of paint, does the distinction even matter?

I casually signed up to do this a few weeks ago, thinking it would be a fitting Last Hurrah for the relatively tight body of my 20s, an empowering welcome party for the snowballing imperfections of the 30s, 40s, 50s, and so on. Bring it, Age. But now it’s looming in the near future and me and my little Christmas-fudge-belly are feeling less confident in our decision. Sure, it’s in the name of art (or so I’m rationalizing it to myself so I can continue to feel superior to my sister, who in her line of business was often naked in the name of non-art), a Mardi Gras body painting thing at a friend’s art gallery/venue.

Society pretends to love an artful nude — Botticelli butts, ample thighs, rolling waves of flesh, etc. — but unspokenly we all know we prefer thin and wasted. It’s what we’ve been conditioned, in this modern age, to get our boners to. I am thin, but not wasted. Cellulite occurs. In summer I wear a one-piece or sometimes even a t-shirt under the auspices of UV protection. During romantic encounters I turn out the lights. In girlish slumber party-type scenarios, I sneak off to change in the bathroom. Most of the anxiety focuses around my stomach, which has never quite fit into the code of fascist beauty standards (fuck those, btw) we’ve decided to write for ourselves.

So why did I, a woman laden with a healthy load of body shame, volunteer to appear technically semi-nude in public in front of a crowd that includes but is not limited to ex-boyfriends, childhood friends, middle-aged former bosses? the wise reader might be asking.

It is a good question. I’m trying to prove something to myself, obviously….but what?!

More on this later.


6 thoughts on “Nudity

  1. I am sure you will be beautiful. With a lovely goddess belly. What an exciting opportunity!

  2. I came to this via a naturist website – go for it, girl, and reinforce your self-confidence! There’s nothing more beautiful than the human body unclothed in all its glory.
    Once you’ve tried this adventure, look on the AANR website to find your local clothes-optional beach, get down there, and see what other, normal, bodies look like: they haven’t been airbrushed like you see in almost all advertising pictures: you’ll probably find you’re one of the slimmer people there, but they’ll be the easiest people to talk with you’ll ever meet. And you won’t know (by what they’re wearing anyway) whether they are a truck driver or a company president!

  3. Now you’ve made me self-conscious about being creepy.

  4. Perhaps you’re trying to prove that you can feel self-conscious about your body, but have a good time anyway, dammit!

  5. Interesting, the Venus of Urbino picture kind of looks like me when I’m lying down naked (except that my breasts are larger and saggier, thanks to my kids).

    I’ve heard that most people who are attracted to women prefer women with some curviness (which obviously spans a wide size spectrum). The wasted look is more popular in media but it isn’t necessarily more popular in real life.

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