The Worst Superpowers

-the ability to touch a piece of wood furniture and see, in your mind’s eye, the tree it came from

-the ability to sip coffee, blind-folded, and instantaneously know whether it’s mixed with half-and-half or non-dairy powdered creamer

-the ability to distinguish between Bing and Google when taking the Bing It On Challenge [NOTE: depending on if this hypothetical superhero comic is written by Alan Moore or Geoff Johns, you may also be able to distinguish between various brands of laundry detergent, colas, etc.]

-the ability to sense when a man is going to break up with you so you can invite him over and break up with him first

-the ability to know, without looking, whether there is unidentified liquid on the bus seat you are about to take

-the ability to turn glossy junk mail into tiny kitten figurines with your mind

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I CAN FART SOUNDLESSLY

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One thought on “The Worst Superpowers

  1. The ability to walk into work and know right away, before talking to anyone or looking at the schedule, that there won’t be enough staff and you’ll be staying late catching up on the work of two people. :/

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